Chess: Definitive Edition

“We must make changes in the rules of chess to avoid the draw death of the game.”

  - José Capablanca, World Champion
The Death of Innovation
For over a hundred years the Fédération Internationale des Échecs has claimed governance over all Chess, yet in that time they've added less meaningful rule changes than accents in their name. This neglect of their duty to develop the sport has led to stagnation of the game not seen since the Shatranj period. Lasting 675 years and ending with “mad buffs” to the Queen, the Chess community has only seen minor changes to stalemate (yawn) and other boring draw-related rules since.
We cannot allow these lazy gatekeepers to sit on their hands for another five hundred years.
It is time for new rules, new pieces, new challenges. It is time for relevance, for relatability, for really sweet moves. It is time to be able to actually capture the King.
It is time for Chess to have a major update.
It is time for the Definitive Edition.

“A comprehensive rewrite ensures that the rules are clear, and adaptable to the needs of the chess world today and in the future.”

  - IA Stéphane Escafre, FIDE rules commission
Long Live the Kings
Updated for modern gaming hardware and smooth modern brains, the Definitive Edition adds a card phase to each turn, unlocking powerful new abilities. Reverse an enemy capture, leaving your piece standing. Opponent sending their Queen back from the future to assist? Cause a catastrophic temporal paradox by destroying the original. Alter the shape of the board with landfill, moats, and walls, or alter the topology of space itself with portals.
Bolster your position with FIDE-forbidden pieces like the Knook and Ascension Pawn, or use checkers tokens in a pinch. Upgrade pawns so they can en-passant anything, add full self driving, or grant them a Barony to preserve the line of succession if your King is caught without a "Get Out of Checkmate, Free!" card.
Play against AI or an enemy locally, or turn Steam friends into enemies and work on your Definitive ELO in multiplayer as you climb through Great-Grandmaster and beyond (or sink to the Misère ranks).

“The modern master is not prepared to be dictated to by antiquated rules.”

  - Richard Réti, Master, Hypermodernism Founder