Defective Detectives

Film noir, explosions, and... a hamster? Join grumpy old Johnson and the spectacularly dimwitted intern Billy on the most absurd investigation of the century. Save the world from the furry menace!
Will Johnson and Billy save the world? Will Fluffy enslave humanity? Or will it all end with him simply being put back in his cage?
This city fears me. I saw its true face... And it smelled like sawdust.
Welcome to the world of pretentious film noir, where it rains even indoors, and cool guys don't look at explosions (because they forgot to wear sunglasses).
PLOT:
The Mayor's daughter has lost her pet hamster, Fluffy. Seems like a simple matter? Not so!
The best of the worst take on the investigation:
• Detective Johnson: A veteran cop who's too old for this crap, but whose mortgage won't pay itself.
• Intern Billy: A walking disaster. A man capable of starting a shootout in an empty room and losing.
Together, they must navigate a hell of idiocy, interrogate witnesses who saw nothing, and uncover a terrible secret. Fluffy isn't just a cute little furball. He's a criminal mastermind who founded an underground "Hamster Diaspora" with the goal of taking over the planet!
You simply read the story and choose your answers. But be careful: one wrong word from Intern Billy could lead to the explosion of a police station (or a bonus, depending on your luck).