Daily Bagholder: Stock Market Simulator

What happens if you take post-2020 meme-stock brain damage, presidential posting, options trading, earnings roulette and put all of it in one game?
Apparently this.
Daily Bagholder is a stock market simulator where you trade fake companies, buy options with terrible risk/reward, get blindsided by earnings, watch the president say something insane, and then stare at a giant red candle wondering whether the line goes up.
The companies are procedurally generated. The market changes regimes. CEOs commit fraud. Stocks pump for stupid reasons. Stocks dump for even dumber reasons. There is no fundamental analysis, because nobody reads it anyway. Sometimes the market behaves rationally for several consecutive minutes.
I tried to make this exaggerated, but actual markets kept catching up.
Pick a starting difficulty from Burger Flipper to Corporate Wagecuck, or pick Landlord as the easy option, then try to survive one presidential year without turning your account into a screenshot some YouTuber uses in a 14-minute video explaining why option traders are idiots.
There are options, earnings, bankruptcies, layoffs, hype cycles, corporate disasters, achievements, autosaves, chill lo-fi music, a narrator who judges you, and probably several things I forgot to mention because I have been staring at this game for too long.
And some easter eggs. I put a few in there. Apparently games are supposed to have those.
Is this satire?
Mostly.
Any resemblance to real people is a fucking joke. Please do not sue CyberInu.
FEATURES
• Trade leveraged instruments in an unpredictable simulated stock market.
• Try to figure out whether the President of the Entire World will post something that makes the line go up.
• Deal with market events, news, gains, losses, and increasingly bad decisions.
• Shares are for real investors. Only options allowed. Go big or go broke.
• Skip forward using the time machine, because waiting is boring and we want to see big gains faster.
• Build your leveraged portfolio or blow it up.
• Unlock achievements for accomplishments of varying financial dignity.
• 16 Presidents, 3 sources of income (difficulty levels) with branching choices and unrealistic side businesses so you can build your cashflow and lose more money.
• Experience a deeply unserious take on very serious financial behavior and instruments.
• Chill lo-fi music and a narrator who sometimes judges your financial decisions.
• Or just do something while the real markets are closed.
AI DISCLOSURE, BECAUSE APPARENTLY WE LIVE IN THE FUTURE
This game was made by a human with AI assistance or an AI with human assistance. There is no way I am making a stock market game during an AI bubble without using AI. Just doesn't feel right.
AI was used during development for things like brainstorming, code assistance, debugging, writing variations, placeholder ideas, image generation/editing, and other assorted digital grunt work.
Everything that actually made it into the game was selected, edited, assembled, tested, rejected, reworked, sworn at, and ultimately approved by a human. Some of it made it into the recycling bin.
No, I did not type “make stock market game, make no mistakes” into a box and go make coffee.
Some assets may contain AI-generated or AI-assisted elements. Some writing may have started from AI suggestions and then been rewritten because the machine occasionally gets a bit cringe.
Some code was AI-assisted, then debugged by me and then debugged again by AI, because neither of us can center a div.
In the spirit of 1984 and European regulatory enthusiasm, I am disclosing this so thoroughly that I may eventually be legally required to disclose that this disclosure was possibly written with AI assistance.
We will never know.
There. Compliance achieved.
Probably. Please do not fine CyberInu. This is a fucking joke.
TL;DR
Buy options, gamble fake money on fake companies in fake markets. Post your loss or gain porn. Have fun.
Future updates may include trading options on the portfolios of other degens.